Saturday, March 16, 2013

The Vomit Charge

These are the thoughts I feel I should share here, totally not poetry, but still...
So I was thinking, someday when I am not in college and not living with my parents I will most likely have roommates.  And these roommates will want to throw parties with people I don't know, which I am totally all for! 
BUT, with parties there comes alcohol and with alcohol come socially inept people who do not understand how to hold their liquor, and with that unfortunate deficiency comes vomit. 
Now no one likes to handle vomit, whether it is their own or someone else's, so I've come up with a house "vomit charge".
You will be informed upon entering our apartment or house that you are allowed to drink as much as you want (within safe reason of course) and you are even allowed to vomit because it happens to the best of us. 
BUT if the said vomit is not deposited in a toilet, garbage can or even sink is acceptable, you will be charged $20 depending on the severity of where you vomited.  You must agree to this upon entering house or no alcohol for you or reentry to the house.
And I will keep track of this by writing on you after you have passed out from vomiting "You owe us $20 vomit charge bitch, learn to hold your liquor" in sharpie.
Bottom line, I do not like vomit, I do not want to clean up your vomit.  But sometimes I will have to.  So you all I ask is for a fee.  End of story.

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