Tuesday, September 24, 2013

One Last Kiss (revision)

Last week's exercise was to take something you wrote and simply revising it.  You could pick something you wrote for class or anything you've wrote in the past.  I chose my Zombie Dream post which I put up here back in June and edited it slightly for my class.  I titled it as One Last Kiss and tried to make it a little more clean cut and precise.  Hope the new version is better than the old, tell me what you think.



We had to constantly keep moving. To stand still was to die.
            Even if we found a safe place we couldn’t stay for long, and anyway it was a daydream no place stayed safe for long. 
            The safest plan was to keep moving, keep finding food, and keep finding shelter. That’s all you thought about, food, shelter, stay alive.
            We tried to stick to suburban areas.  Rural was ideal for seclusion but suburban would have the most supplies that we could carry and take along with us.  We never went near the city…for obvious reasons. 
            For the first time in a long time our group had maintained its number, the five of us, John, Nancy, Maggie (our sort of leader), her son Ted and myself.  We had been together for about 3 weeks now. A world record by everyone’s standards.
            Nancy was our newest addition.  We had found her wandering out on her own.  She had done a fairly decent job of surviving for being all by herself.  She was in her late 40’s; lean and tall with short chin length black hair that she parted down the middle. She was probably very pretty once, back when things like that mattered. 
            We had found some strength in our consistent number but their was also the beginning of tension in the group, namely between Maggie and Nancy. 
            We were in Nancy’s home suburb, which proved to be extremely helpful, as she had kept her house in running condition as much as she possibly could.  She had lots of stored water and nonperishable foods and she was willing to allow us to stay with her.
            But around this third week Maggie said it was time we packed up and move on.  She told Nancy that she was welcome to come with, it would be safer for her and the group would appreciate the company.  But Nancy refused much to Maggie chagrin.  Nancy then explained why she was still here.
            Before the outbreak of zombies began she had lived here with her husband now that their two children were grown and in college out on their own.  Her husband had been bitten in one of the first out breaks.  No one fully understood what was going on in the beginning so they had no idea how to handle it properly and as things got worse they both knew it was not going to end well.
            Her husband had forced her to lock him in the garage so that he could be no danger to her and when he became what they both knew he inevitably would she was to take his hunting rifle from their shed and end it.   But once that time came and Nancy had the rifle in her hand she found that she couldn’t do it.  Her hand shook too much, her vision blurred with tears and she simply opened the garage door from inside the house and let him go.
            She was determined not to falter when the next time came.  And she would not leave this house before she accomplished this task. 
            Maggie tried to explain to her that it was a bad idea, that he could be miles away by now, or someone else could have already taken care of him, but Nancy refused to listen.  She said she knew he was still around…she could feel it. I thought she was crazy, but Maggie seemed to give up convincing her after that.
            We waited around for another week in hopes of convincing Nancy to come with us, till one night we didn’t have to wait anymore.
            We all slept together on the living room floor, it was safer to stay together in groups, and have two take watch. But none of  us slept very soundly any more so when the garage door went up we all heard it. Maggie slowly sat up and looked around.  We all had the same thought Nancy wasn’t here.
            We moved silently through the house our weapons at the ready.  We tiptoed through the kitchen to the door that led through to the garage.
            The door to the outside was coming down now and we saw two figures in the garage.  Nancy with her rifle, and what could only be assumed was Nancy’s husband.
            We all stood in silence waiting for what was going to come next our hearts beating in our throats.  We all knew this was Nancy’s fight not ours so we waited and watched glad we didn’t have to be in her shoes.
             He began his labored uneven walk to her, arms outstretched and terrible gurgling noises coming from his unhinged jaw, eye’s milky white and dead.
            Nancy held the rifle at the ready with a sure arm tears streaking down her cheeks. 
            And then it happened. 
            She lowered the rifle when he was only arms length away. Someone make a squeaking noise in alarm but Maggie held up her arm to stop anyone moving in on the two. 
            It all happened at once. Nancy whispered something none of us heard as her eyes glazed over not seeing the monster but the man she had loved.  His hands came around her shoulders and she looked up into his face as if she were expecting a kiss, the gun discarded and forgotten on the floor.  She smiled and gave a drunken laugh and then his mouth bit deep into her cheek still holding her up right.
            Then there was a gunshot. Maggie had one arm outstretched, pistol in hand smoking. “It was never going to happen any other way.  She made her choice a long time ago.”
            Nancy had dropped to the ground along with her husband but unlike his motionless corpse, she was twitching and writhing on the ground, blood gurgling from the mouth making the most terrible noises I had ever heard in my life. A large pool of blood was beginning to form around her head and neck.
            There was another shot from the pistol and she was motionless.  The dark garage was silent.  Then Maggie said, “Gather what you can, I want to be out of here in an hour.  The sound of the gun will have attracted visitors.”  She turned away from the garage without a second glance.
            The pool of blood from Nancy’s head was still growing as I looked away.  My entire body felt numb and I began packing without really thinking about my actions.
            Our party was down to four, again.

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