Pick Your Poison

You are a burning building

and I am trapped inside.

The ground is safe

but the fall is long

so I'll just burn alive.

Haiku #24

To sleep is simply

not enough; but to dream as

a child would suffice

Haiku #23

I have not changed
I have evolved into
a mind of my own.

Haiku #22

I long to change the
world but don't know how to start.
Sometimes my hands shake.

NO H8

On fire

Like a dragon

breathing flame from my chest

there is no fire escape,

there is only one way out.

And that is past my heart,

over my tongue,

burning my finger tips

leaving poetry in raw

red blisters that can only be cooled

by paper and ink

A letter to the pretty girls, with weak smiles on their bruised lips….

I am sending out a plea

A hand to reach you

a voice to teach you

Because you are so often forgotten

Because you have gotten to good at saying

“I’m fine.” and making it sound believable

because I am one of you too.

Do not settle for groping drunken hands

with his sticky hot breath whispering in your ears

promises he has no intention to keep

or even remember tomorrow

do not listen

to the lies that he will fill you with

as he runs his hands over your ass

and presses his groin to your skirt.

They will leave you empty in the morning.

he has no intention of loving you

none of them ever will.

I can tell you that right now.

No.

Stop right there

I know what you’re thinking.

You cannot change them

you cannot save them

you cannot make them love.

AND no matter how many times you will repeat

to yourself:

it means nothing

I am young

I am having fun

It will always sting the day after

shame will rise like thick steam

from the pit of your stomach

resting on your cheeks

making you nauseous for days.

I know

I have been there.

It’s like a hangover that can last for weeks

with throbbing flash backs that make

you want to purge all of the memories from your body.

I want to hold you

All of you broken fragile girls,
because you are not held enough.

Because you need to be held,

but would die before ever admitting it.

I want to cradle you in my arms and whisper to you,

It is ok,

it is ok to feel lost,

you are not worthless,

you are still human

you are allowed to make mistakes.

as many as you need.

But darling, be careful you are not destroying yourself.

you were not made for so much abuse

you may look in a mirror and see nothing.

But I see a pretty girl with cracks in her smile

and weak hope in her eyes.

And you may not know it

but some sweet boy is madly in love with you

with your sad eyes

and your chipped smile

he finds them endearing

he just hasn’t gotten up the courage to tell you yet.

So let this be a letter to the sweet quiet boys

watching the girls they love

get bruised

and used

raise your voice

they need you to save them

because they know that the white knight is never coming

but a gentle boy in faded blue jeans could be just as good.

Let this letter be,

a call to arms for the timid boy

a shield against the groin grinders

and  a hand

to pick up the girls with shaking knees

to wipe off the mirror and show them

that bruises fade.

A letter, for those who need it.

Haiku #21

Pour me another
I won't be leaving till dawn
till the ghosts are gone

Haiku #20

I've been gone for to
long, I'm packing my bags and
coming home to you

Haiku #19

The Man in the Moon
waits as lonely as could be
patiently for me

The Princess Diaries

The Princess Diaries by Meg Cabot

Many of you know the hilarious movie staring Julie Andrews and Anne Hathaway.  But the sweat Julie Andrews and flawless Anne Hathaway are a far cry from the hysterical Mia and Queen Clarisse in Meg Cabot's book.
For those of you unfamiliar with the story, The Princess Diaries is the first in a series of novels.  In the first though we meet Mia Thermopolis, a 14 year old girl living in New York with her artist mom.  Starting her freshman year of high school Mia's main concerns  are fitting in, trying not to fail algebra while her mother dates her algebra teacher, and her breasts...or lack there of.
All normal things for a teenager to be worried about.  Until her dad drops the bomb, Mia isn't just any teenager she is the Crown Princess of Genovia (a fictional European country) and the heir to the throne. 
And you thought your high school experience sucked.

I give this novel a 7 out of 10

I read these books at a perfect age when I was about 13 going into high school which made my connection to Mia that much stronger seeing as we were going through the same torture of starting high school.  But unless you are a girl from the ages of 12 to 18 (maybe even older I'll give it that) you probably won't find the humor as entertaining.
If I can say one thing for this book it is that it is hilarious.  It could make me laugh out loud and cringe with embarrassment for Mia. I could feel her pain but her witty dry humor could always keep me laughing.  The thing that I like about the book more so than the movie is that it's more realistic, it's more down to earth.  Mia's grandmother is much more sassy...well she's pretty much an old bitch but that's what makes it funny.  And Mia herself is nothing like the perfect Anne Hathaway, even after her transformation.  It makes the character more likable and relatable. 
The only thing I'd say that this book lacked was a solid ending.  I know this is only the first in series but even with that this book has a very flat ending that left me feeling a little disappointed.  Still it is a pretty good book you'll just have to pick up the next one and the next one to feel really satisfied.

Rito's Coffee

So I have to start off by saying how I am terrible person.  I miss informed you when I said I preformed my poetry at Ritta's Coffee House.  I didn't have my facts straight and I intend to fix my mistake.

The restaurants actual name is Rito's Coffee.  And let me tell you it is a wonderful place to try out.  It opened just a year ago on January 1st at 4116 Southwest Hwy, Hometown IL. Ryte Kilikevicius and her husband Alvydas renovated the former closed coffee shop and gave it a wonderfully homey touch making it an incredibly inviting little place to eat and have some fantastic coffee.
But coffee isn't its only item to offer.  Rito's also serves a number of cold beverages, iced drinks, smoothies, and great hot chocolate (sampled by yours truly).
The restaurant serves breakfast, lunch, an early dinner, and fantastic desert options (also tested by yours truly).  The menu has some recognizable favorites and then some traditional Lithuanian dishes (Ryte and Alvydas' home culture).  And the beautiful thing about their food is it is all homemade by Ryte herself!  "I cook from the heart" says Ryte and it certainly shows.
But quite possibly the best thing about this little coffee house, or at least my favorite part, is the atmosphere and friendly feeling of the place that Ryte and her husband create.  When she isn't to busy serving customers Ryte walks around and talks with her customers.  She gets to know you personally, and always has a listening ear.
Last saturday my family went to eat dinner there, kinda of late, near closing.  We were the only customers there but Ryte still let us in and served us well.
At one point when she was taking our orders I coughed, I've had a cold that I just cant quite shake since I was sick around New Years and Ryte looks at me and says "You need Ginger Tea!"  She went on to tell me that Ginger Tea was a wonderful treat that would make me feel better in no time, she said she drinks three cups a day just to stay healthy.  Of course I couldn't turn it down and was glad I didn't. The drink was delightfully hot and crisp with ginger and honey it was the perfect pick me up and even quieted my cough for the remainder of my meal.
After we had finished eating we had coffee and a slice of cake Ryte had just recently made, and she sat and talked with us for about a half hour.  And I can say I luckily was honored with a hug at the end of the evening.
You can tell how much Ryte loves what she does and loves the people who come into her restaurant and what them to have a good time.  It's just a lovely place to eat with great food.  I definitely recommend that if you are in the area you should try it out.
Another great thing about Rito's is it's always open to new and interesting events!  One that has been a consistent success is their Open Mic Night, every second thursday of the month starting at 7pm.  You are welcome to walk in and show them your special talent, many people play some sort of musical instrument and/or sing, some bring stories or poems to read, and some even preform little monologues.  It's a fantastic night of fun and music.  Valentines day is the next open mic night, Ryte is excited to decorate the restaurant for the holiday.  Their will be candles and decoration and it's asked you preform something that has to do with love.  Ryte says to bring your loved ones and enjoy a beautiful night of romantic music and poetry. 
Rito's Coffee is definitely worth a try, below are the links to their website which has their phone number, address, menu, and restaurant hours.

http://www.ritoscoffee.com

And you can like them on Facebook!

http://www.facebook.com/RitosCoffee

Help this wonderful little place stay around for another year!

Haiku #18

Mike, my partner in crime.

I promise to be
your bit of sanctuary
when you are lonely

Haiku #17

I must let you go
or be crushed by my own guilt
I deserve to live

I was beautiful once too

We must remember
that the scariest of houses,
the one on its own
at the end of the block
with the broken windows
and a lawn
long overdue for a cut
was once
brightly pained
with its doors flung wide.
It was the people that entered it
who changed it.

Haiku #16

Above all else I
really do believe that
you will be just fine.

My big sister Danica and I

Haiku #15

To know the smell of
your skin when you awake
is all I will need

What I hope to teach my child

So tonight for the first time ever I preformed my poetry at the open mic night at Rito's Coffee.  I was terrified and almost didn't do it but was talked into it by a lot of my friends so I went up and read after I sang with my dad and it actually was kind of a hit.  The owner (Ryte herself) took my copy and wants to put it on their facebook page which I thought hilarious.  It even brought my dad to tears so I thought it was worthy of my blog so here ya go.

Dear Child,

I am writing this to you at the precarious age of 18

so that some day in the very distant future

where you exist and I have forgotten

all of what it means to be young

I can give this to you.

In the hopes that maybe my younger self

can teach you the things

that only youth and recklessness can.

So maybe on those days when you feel like I’m more of a mom

and less of a person

you can read this and remember

that though it seems impossible now

I was in fact, young like you once.

So here are the ten basic things I hope to teach my child

from mom at age 18.

1.)Life is not fair; it does not have to be.  Bad things happen to good people for no reason, and bad people get away with bad things it just the way it is.  But don’t let that discourage you because, it makes everything you accomplish by your own hand, that much greater.  There is no luck, only you. Be proud of that.

2.)Be kind no matter what. Not because the ones you are nice to will return it, in fact no one is saying you’ll get anything in return. In fact you may go totally out of your way to be kind and thoughtful to everyone and life may just spit back in your face, but that’s not the point.  The point is you added something to this world that made it a little bit better than it was before.  And that, my dear, is the point.

3.)There will be some people who will love you no matter what, so pee with the door open when you feel like it, fall apart when you need to, and know there will be someone to love you when it gets ugly, its called family.

4.)There is no worse pain than… stepping on a Lego, so you can survive any heartbreak that life throws your way because nothing will be as bad as that stupid Lego under your foot.

5.)Your teachers will tell you to be realistic; your friends will say you’re dreaming, your father will tell you to get your head out of the clouds. But I, I am your mother.  I will believe you can do anything as I rightfully should.

6.)I will believe in all your crazy dreams.  Dream big and far and wild and impossibly.  Because if you don’t you will grow old with regret and not the good kind, it is better to say, “why did I do that?” than “what if I did”

7.)Fall in love ALL THE TIME!  It doesn’t make love any less, but life more. Helen Keller once said, “Life is a daring adventure or nothing.” The way I see it, it is better to have gone through a million heartbreaks than to never feel love at all (and if you don’t believe this refer back to my comment about the Lego).

8.) Be stupid; be as stupid as you can NOW, so you can learn from it.

9.)I promise you if you get knocked down by your own stupidity, I will be there to pick you up no matter what.  I may slap you in the back of the head first, but then I will offer my hand and say, “I know, I’ve been there.”

10.)Understand that endings happen.  Life is perpetual endings and beginnings.  And its okay to be sad, its ok to mourn an ending, it is ok to miss things; but baby, don’t you dare waste your time missing something that is never going to miss you back.

I lied when I said, I hoped to teach you ten things because this list is never ending,

I am still learning,

and there is still so much I wish to teach you if I thought you would listen to me,

but I know you won’t. 

And that’s ok!  Some lessons must be learned on your own,

through scars, bumps, and bruises. It’s the beauty of living, to know we’re alive.

Never stop learning;

I cannot wait to find out all the things you will teach me without even knowing it.

We might not see eye to eye,

we may fight over spilt Lego’s,

who you’re dating,

or me trying to warn you about mistakes you’re just going to have to make for yourself, 

and I’ll just have to be okay with that,

it comes with the territory.

And I know the day will come when you fall

I will instinctively reach out to pick you up

My Mom and I when I graduated high school

and you will say, “Mom! I can do it myself!”

I will watch you pick yourself up

dust yourself off

and be just fine

all on your own

and I will smile

because in the end that is really what I want to teach you

Love, Mom

Haiku #14

And I will simply
be reading my days away
not thinking of you

Haiku #13

I am so happy
I cannot be contained
by Earthly bonds

Haiku #12

I am the sum of
what little chaos I can
control and harness

The Catcher in the Rye

The Catcher In the Rye by J.D. Salinger

One of the most well know and acclaimed pieces of classic literature, awarded one of the best English-language Novels of the 20th century.  We follow the first person account of Holden Caulfield mental break down.
He starts his journey with being expelled from his school Pencey Prep leading him to decide to run away to New York and experience life.  After a whirl wind of women and drinking Holden is more confused and depressed about life than ever before.  A novel that beautifully displays the tragic loss of childlike innocence has been read in class rooms across the U.S. and even banned in other countries due to its involvement with alcohol and sexuality.

I read this for an English class of mine and I give it a 6 out of 10


This is a hard one to review seeing as it's revered as such a classic.  And before I say anything about the book I'd like to first say that these reviews are completely personal opinions, I'm completely fine with someone disagreeing with me, just as I am entitled to my opinion you are entitled to yours and I would encourage you to comment or message me with anything you have to say about my reviews.
Now with that said, I think I had such big expectations for this book that I could never really fill them.  I had heard so much about this novel, how it was everyone's favorite classic and how it had inspired murders and all that crazy stuff that when I read it I was kind of disappointed.  When I read it I wasn't inspired or moved.  It just seemed like this whiney kid was running around the city doing things he shouldn't and that he should just go home and maybe get some help.  **WARNING SPOILER** The only part that I really enjoyed was in the end as he watched his sister on the Merry-Go-Round and was finally content and not complaining about anything.  
However my dislike of the novel did not dieter me from understanding why it is a classic and why it's part of so many english curriculum.  It is a great representation for the tragic way we lose out childlike innocence and  how we'd give anything to get it back.  
I do not hope to dieter anyone from reading this classic, in fact I'd rather you see this review and pick it up for yourself to see whether you agree or not.  Happy readings!

The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants

The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants Series
by Ann Brashares

This is a pretty well known series.
The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, The Second Summer of the Sisterhood, Girls in Pants: The Third Summer of the Sisterhood, and finally Forever in Blue: The Fourth Summer of the Sisterhood.
The four books follow the four lives of these best friends.  Lena- the pretty one
Bridget- the sporty one
Tibby- the artsy one
and Carmen- the dramatic one
Their lives are marked by summers.  And on the eve of their first summer they are to spend separated, the pants are brought to life.  Yes a magical pair of pants that fit all the very different girls, is to be the glue between them all.  They will write letters to each other and send the pants along to help them accomplish great things.  This series spans from the summer before the girls junior year of high school to the summer before their second year of college.  We watch as these four girls grow up into very distinct woman, who fall in love, have their hearts broken, follow their dreams, fail, and achieve things they never thought possible all the while doing their best to stay friends even in their changing worlds.

I give this series and 9 out of 10

I feel kind of bad that I've been doing sort of girly books lately but I swear they are not the only genre I read and more pivotal works of literature will be up.  But I loved these books.  To this day I will still spend a summer reading them just because I love them so much.  They are very girly feel good books but sometimes that's all you need.  The thing that I love about them is how based in reality they are.  The girls don't always fall in love and then have that love reciprocated, they have their dark shadows just like anyone.  The stories don't always end happily they remain based in reality.  The other thing I love about them is the books are always different from each other.  It isn't the same story over and over each book has its new set of obstacles and wonderful messages that I keep with me.  They may not be thrilling novels but they will certainly make you feel the love.

Stay tuned for Sisterhood Everlasting by Ann Barshares the final installment of the sisterhood ten years after the last book!

Haiku #11 (and possibly my favorite)

My mother at about 5 years old

I am propelled
by the whispers of those
who failed before me

A Blind Man Can See How Much I Love You

A Blind Man Can See How Much I Love You: Stories by Amy Bloom

A collection of unconventional love stories by Am Bloom a National Book Critic Circle Award Finalist in Fiction.  Eight different short stories dealing with the different aspects of love along with sex change, age gaps and long distance.
"Amy Bloom gets more meaning into individual sentences than most authors manage in whole books." -The New Yorker


This collection a 5 out of 10


I started off so confident in this book, but was pretty disappointed.  I agree with the comment about Amy Bloom  being able to put an incredible amount of meaning in one sentence but unfortunately the sentences don't quite flow.  It seems like ever story starts off with such promise and then just looses it's momentum and I would get very lost and confused half way through.  Overall the collection clearly were created with a good idea in mind but I just couldn't follow them much, hopefully if you decide to pick up this book you'll have better luck than I did.

Haiku #10

A haiku for you
I'm sorry it's not something grand
but it's all I got.

Haiku #9

I wear my faults
in the cracked lines on my hands
there is no mistake

Haiku #8

Your smell is still here,
it catches me off guard and
brings me to my knees

Haiku #5, #6, AND #7

Now to play some Haiku catch up

I travel nowhere
without you in my heart
and ghosts at my back


Still, I dream of you
now, long after you are gone
this is the hard part


I hold within me

beautiful blooms of chaos
dance with me won't you?

Book of the Year

So I've decided to do this thing where out of all the books I read in a year I take one that I felt was particularly amazing and I title a Book of the Year, I mean this whole site is just kind of a trial and error so why not.

So my Book of the Year for 2012 is The Green Mile by Stephen King

It's no question that this book was a 10 out of 10.  I know many will say they've seen the movie, and so have I  (after reading the book, like a good little book nerd) and yes the movie is amazing but the book is a deeper experience completely. 
For those of you who have never seen the movie or read the book, The Green Mile is Paul Edgecombe's retelling the most amazing and heartbreaking experience he had on The Green Mile, which is a nickname the guards gave death row due to its uncommon green linoleum floor.  In 1932 Paul  is a block supervisor of the Cold Mountain Penitentiary death row when John Coffey, like the drink only not spelled the same, comes to walk the mile.  Charged with one of the most heinous murders the men on the mile have ever seen, not only is his story intimidating but standing a 6'8'' a hulking beast of a man, Coffey is a site that the Green Mile has never quite encountered.  But he personality contradicts his intimidating stature.  He cries almost every night and states how he's afraid of the dark.  That's not the only peculiar thing about John Coffey, and soon the men of the Green Mile  are on one hell of a ride, one that none of them will ever forget for the rest of their lives.
This is such an incredibly beautiful story that was so exciting to read I almost couldn't put it down.  I found myself crying and on the edge of my seat it was almost exhausting to get through.  I remember reading and rereading the last page just because I didn't want it to be over.  Yes the movie is fantastic but the book holds so many thoughts and emotions that can only be implied by a simple facial expression in the movie.  I say its definitely worth a read.  The characters will stay in your heart long after the book itself is over.

Keeping Track

First of all let me apologize for being MIA for the past two days, I wish I could say I was getting my party on but unfortunately that isn't the case.  I've been bed ridden with a ridiculously high fever and cough that made me unable to look at a computer screen for more than a moment or two.  But I do intend to catch up on all that I've let get away from me.
So for the past three years I have kept a list of all the books I've read throughout the years.  I'm not really sure why, it's one of those things that you started doing and have been doing for so long you just don't question it anymore.  It's also a nice little gauge for me to see how much I read throughout a year. My average is about 30 a year:

2010- 34 books
2011- 21 books (it was a rough year I guess)
2012- 34 books (it's kind of weird that 2010 an 2012 have the exact same amount of books but whatever)

My goal for 2013 is 40 books :)

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